Polyamory: Loving Unlimited
(c)1998 PolyPagan. This article may be used provided the source is credited.
Unconditional loving, loving "without limits and without restrictions" in all areas and in all interactions, is one of the basic aims and guiding principles of the Aluna network of communities for the New- Partnership Era to come.
Let's get really clear that "polyamorous" for us is by no means identical with something like 'poly-sexual'. A polyamorous person is not necessarily "sexually-involved", particularly in the sense of genitally-sexually involved, with more than one other person - or any other person at all.
Amor comes from the Latin word for love; and poly signifies much or many. Hence polyamory is simply, and emphatically, love extended to many. Polyamory, for us, is parallel to panfidelity : loving extended to many in the context of faithfulness to all.
We find it important, indeed very important at this time, to take the undue emphasis on "sexuality", usually a genitally-oriented notion of sexuality, out of the practice of love and loving. This is particularly important for most people whose views, and actions in the "sexual" area, have been so badly skewed, twisted and warped, by the conditioning of "normal" society . We want to integrate natural sexuality and sexual behaviour in a large variety of kind, loving, enjoyable, pleasurable, affective actions and interactions among ourselves. That will become recognized and known as polyamory in the Aluna new-partnership communities of the coming era.
Regarding more overt "sexual" behaviour and "sexual intercourse", our guideline is simply this : Don't do it if you don't want to; and Do it if you do want to. Don't push anyone into "sex" who doesn't want it; and do support everyone in having whatever "sexual activity" s/he chooses -- as long as there is no compulsion or other form of coercion involved.
It's the second part of those couplets that we now most often find underrated, or entirely avoided, because of its positive, action- oriented "pro-sex" emphasis. The negative, action-inhibiting, injunctions: Don't "have sex" if you don't want to ! -- and don't let anyone push you into it ! have been battle cries for quite a while now by those helping the beleaguered subjects, if not victims, of sexually-aggressive humans, ostensibly usually male human beings. And they've had a lot of success in that regard. So much so that in our experience the balance has become skewed significantly toward a negative "anti-sex" direction.
In practice, we now more often come across people - usually women - who can assert their `rights' not to be sexual and who have very effectively learned to say "No". Sadly, we find a lot fewer who have actually learned to exercise their `rights' in an ultimately much more satisfying positive way, by asserting their power to say, "Yes : I sure do want to and I sure will !" -- allowing themselves full-on sexual-genital pleasure along with intimacy, enjoying themselves in it -- and being able to do so without fear, apprehension or guilt.
This is particularly important if they want to be intimate with more than one sexual partner at a time; and even more so if they are women. In all patriarchal cultures the standard rule has been "Life-long sexual exclusivity". That literally means excluding everyone else from one's sexual intimacies. There were only two categories for all "proper and decent" people to fit themselves into : the celibates -- eunuchs, priests, and all other "unmarried" people who were meant to have no sexual relations at all with anyone (and that included themselves); and those who were "married" -- who were allowed to have only one partner, of the "opposite sex", for life. The partner in "wedlock" usually also had to be of the same race, colour, "class", etc. -- the expectations are massive.
These rules are held to be the "law of God" by all dominant orthodox "religions", East and West, and have been rigorously and often violently enforced, most especially on women, in all patriarchal cultures around the world over the last four to five thousand years.
A woman who dared to have more than one "lover" has been denounced as a "loose woman", a whore, a slut, and a heap of other ugly and degrading epithets. Such women were "excommunicated", socially ostracized, abused and terrorized, by most other women as well as the men in their communities. In earlier times they were accused of sorcery, "consorting with the devil", drowned in "trials" and burned as witches. In India, widow-burnings continue to this day; in Africa the mutilation and removal of young girls' genitalia are specifically directed to prevent women's sexual pleasure and submit them to the possession of their husbands. In "modern" countries, women continue to be kept in line by powerful means of social disapproval; the majority of "professional counsellors", churches, schools, and the media continue to reinforce huge negative judgements, and to instill shame, fear and sexual guilt in women who seek to love and be as fully sexual as they choose.
Most people in the "New Age" movement are not much different in this either : at best, the issue of human sexuality is just avoided; or else we are enjoined to "lift" our sexual energies up to the heart and spiritual levels, where we can be "safe" with them in ourselves and with other people. At worst, this is a subtle and insidious way of masking the same old negative judgements and another complete betrayal of our (God-given) nature -- particularly when it is paraded as a valid form of Tantra, "sexual/spiritual mastery" or "higher form of enlightenment".
This is the sexual legacy of patriarchy and its dominant "religions" old and new which are still with us, deeply embedded not only in the traditional social fabric of the culture, but also within our own psychies and physical bodies -- like a destructive virus at the cellular level of our being. All of them are forms of social control based on the fear of loving fully, totally and abundantly.
Polyamory is both the means and the end for moving beyond this destructive legacy and healing ourselves, our societies and our Earth, at every level. Unconditional and unrestricted loving extended to our own Self and to all those around us in whatever ways they are prepared to receive it, restores our innate (God-given and God-like) natural qualities -- in all aspects and dimensions of our presence here on Earth.
And that includes specifically also our "sexual" interactions and relationships with one another. Polyamory means freedom from abuse, freedom from oppression, and freedom from violence. Through it we liberate our Self and one another from the oppression of the old dominator culture. And this is especially the case for women and the feminine aspects in us all and in the world around us.
Polyamory also means freedom to enjoy our Self and one another in the fullness of our nature. And especially so for women, and everything feminine and female in our world. And that, we are confident, will eventually make all the `negative' injunctions against being fully "sexual" quite unnecessary -- and even inappropriate. (Any more than it is appropriate to caution people against being fully "spiritual" with one another !!)
Therefore restoring balance -- and eventually making the 'negative' injunction "against being sexual" quite unnecessary in practice -- is very important in the Aluna network. And it's significant in the actions and behaviour which we model as "polyamorous" :
By "loving" in a multitude of different ways; by avoiding the undue emphasis on genital "sexuality"; by not getting any more overtly "sexual" than we want to with anyone else; -- and by getting as physically intimate with one another, enjoying as much genital-oral- physical-sensual-lustful "sexuality" as we want to, when we want to, with whomever we want to, who also wants to with us !
That's polyamory as we practice it now, and as we intend to expand it in the Aluna community networks of the future.
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