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Staying in the Energy of Love ~ Conscious Relationships

Author: Anita Asman

Copyright 2001, Anita Asman
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At the beginning of a relationship, it is easy to love. You don't have to do
much to receive love. Both of you give and receive, like in a wonderful dance.
We believe that love should remain like that forever. In reality, love is a
continuous state of being.

Love is not something that we have or don't
have. Love is something that we do. Love is not something that comes to
us,  love is something that we give -or refuse to give- every moment of
your life. Most people know moments of mercy, when their hearts simply open up
and love flows. This love can be of a spiritual nature, it can be love for God,
for a child, for a friend, or for a lover. Ours hearts may also open when we
hear a wonderful piece of music or see a great piece of artwork.

inspired moments are testimonies of our inherent ability to love. The practice
of intimacy challenges us keep our hearts open also in difficult moments. It is
not about getting love and keeping it. Love is what we are and what we do, when
we keep our hearts open. Every moment of our lives, we either separate ourselves
from others and from the world, or we stay open in connected in our
relationships to others.

In order to practice love, as a first step
simply stay in the relationship with people in difficult situations and observe
your tendency to run away and to withdraw from love and from life.

you withdraw when your partner says certain things? Are you shutting yourself
off when he/she treats you in a certain way? Do you turn away from him/her when
he/she withdraws from you? Intimate relationships are a special opportunity to
practice love, but all relationships are a test with regards to love, and a
chance to give love.

The more experienced you become in the practice of
love, the more you will find yourself in relationships, be it with your intimate
partner or with your friends or colleagues. Ultimately you will be able to stay
open and not shut yourself off even when you feel hurt. This open relationship
is love.

When you fall in love, your heart opens up and you love
everybody you see. Do you know this feeling? In difficult times, remember this
feeling and exercise to open your heart. It is not always easy, but if you want
to overcome the difficult times in your relationship, you need to practice your
ability to love.

That does not mean that you have to be in harmony all
the time. You might even fight or cry, but always remind yourself of the love
that is inside of you, that has always been inside of you.

Where was
your love before you met your partner? Did it hover around somewhere above you
or in front of you? And then when this partner came did he/she place this love
inside of you? No, this love was always inside of you, it is there now, and it
will be there in the future. Your partner is only your personal trigger that
unleashes this love. You yourself are responsible for reconnecting to your love
and for giving it out also in a moment when your partner is not lovable.

Make some time each day to connect with the love that is in your heart.
Meditate on this love, feel this love and relax your body in the energy of this
love, especially in times when your relationship is difficult.

that a perfect relationship is not a relationship where everything goes
smoothly, but a relationship that grows constantly. There are times in any
relationship where you can't stand your partner; this does not mean that it is a
bad relationship.

Intimate relationships are action. They change over
the course of time. You don't have a relationship - you daily practice
relationship. In painful moments, remember what it was that attracted you to be
with your partner: love. Reclaim this love, even if you are angry or feeling
hurt or rejected. A 'perfect' relationship is a relationship that gives you and
your partner the opportunity to practice love.

Even if your relationship
becomes formal, and you get married or decide to live together, you will
continue to experience the dynamics of feeling close at one time and then again
alienated at other times. The measure of a good relationship is not 'When will
this finally stop?', but rather how open you stay in the dance of dynamics. Do
you stay connected to the love in your heart? Are you able to continue to give
out your love, even if your partner hurts you or withdraws from you?

is an illusion to believe that the cycle of positive (harmony) and negative
(disharmony) will stop. Instead of waiting for this to happen, observe how you
react to this cycle. How do you react when your partner hurts you or withdraws
from you? Do you practice love or do you withhold love? Instead of interpreting
his/her behavior as a personal offense, stay open in your heart. Even if you are
hurt you can still be open and give out love.

When you shut yourself off
and withhold love, you are sending your partner a message: 'I will love you only
when you show me love', implying that love can be acquired. If you convey each
other such messages, both of you need to do something to acquire 'love'. You are
no longer lovers freely giving each other love. Such  'love' is not true
love, as true love is always a gift - it cannot be acquired.

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